I’ve been putting alot of thought into changing my life around the last couple of weeks. I’ve honestly hit a dead end on my life and I’m tired of being stuck where I am. If I’m going to be honest with you I have tried to change my life around quite a couple of times but I’ve always ended right back where I started. I’ve either given up because it was too much to handle all at once or I got distracted and landed up taking a detour right back to where I started.
Each time I try to change my life around I always end I right back where I started; frustrated, overwhelmed and defeated! It’s been a never ending cycle in my life for as long as I can remember!
I’ve been trying to get down to the root of why I keep landing up where I started and it dawned on me that I always seem to bite off more than I can chew…every single time!
For example…I tell myself that I’m going to start eating healthy. So on day one I cut out absolutely everything and land up eating cucumber and cardboard! I’ve already set myself up for disaster because you can only survive for so long on cucumber! Instead of cutting everything out all at once, I should have started with just halving my sugar consumption and drinking an extra glass of water everyday! But I like to go big or go home and that’s why I keep landing up right at the beginning all over again!
I was gifted a beautiful little devotional colouring book by my brother and sister in law last year for Christmas. I actually have several similar mandala books like the one I was gifted. I usually sit down with my book and pencils and pick a picture that looks good to me and I start to colour. Everytime I do this it always starts off well until my fingers get sore and I start to get tired. I then become overwhelmed at how much I still have to do and then I become frustrated and then I just give up! Never to glance at that picture again. The result of this is I have a dozen incomplete pictures as a reminder of how I give up all the time!
Recently I picked up the book that I was gifted and as I was scrolling through I came across a page that said never give up. I decided I was going to colour this page. So I got out all of my stationery and I began, but this time I coloured one little picture on this page; just one! The next day I picked up my book, flipped to that same page and coloured just one more picture on the page. I did this for a few days in a row! My picture is nowhere near complete and I’m okay with that because tomorrow I’m going to colour a little more, as well as the next and so on…
I’m definitely not feeling overwhelmed or frustrated, just motivated to add a little more tomorrow! I’m not going to give up!
I’ve been applying this thought pattern to my life as well.
For the last several months I have been stuck with a terrible depression. I’ve never felt this way before and I really cannot stand feeling this way anymore. I stopped doing all the necessary things that were required from me on a daily basis. At one point I couldn’t remember when the last time it was that I brushed my hair…
So I have started out small…day one I got dressed straight after I woke up, this is a big deal because for the last couple of months I have been living in my pyjamas. I used to take my bath and climb into my pj’s on repeat every single day. I would just change out of my pj’s into my pj’s. But it’s been a couple of days now that I have got myself dressed every single morning… I haven’t skipped a day at all!
In addition to getting dressed I have also brushed my hair every single day, this is also a really big deal for me!
On day two I decided that on top of getting dressed and brushing my hair I would make my bed too! It’s been several days and I’m still going strong.
Over the last couple of days I have made sure to put God first and I promise you it makes such a difference!
I felt an emotion yesterday that I haven’t felt in a long time…joy!
Do you know how easy it is to fake a smile when people ask you how you are doing? But yesterday I felt real joy, I was just happy! It felt so incredible to be just happy and I owe it all to God!
What I’m trying to get across to you is that I’m trying to slowly change my life around just as I’m slowly colouring my picture. I really don’t know the outcome of my picture just as I don’t know the outcome of my life, but I do know it’s going to turn out beautiful if I don’t give up and keep going strong!
I know that God uses our trials and tribulations to help others so I know that what I have gone through and what I will still go through will be used to glorify the name of Jesus; I just mustn’t give up!
I want to encourage you, if you are feeling defeated, overwhelmed, frustrated etc… just start small and perservere, ask God to give you strength and don’t doubt that He will do it! Push forward and know that your end result, no matter how long it takes you to get there, will be spectacular!