I have this friend. We have been friends for 16 years now. Let me tell you that I could write a book about our friendship together. We have been through it all. We have supported each other through absolutely everything. I don’t see her as just my best friend but I see her as my sister. I love her so dearly that its impossible to explain.
A couple of years ago I had some family drama. I assumed she was angry with me because of this family drama. She assumed I was angry at her too. We just stopped talking like we usually did. She made new friends and me being the person that I am I just kept to myself. We had the odd pass along message every now and then but that was it. Things were super awkward between us, like incredibly awkward. I couldn’t understand what was going on and instead of asking her I just retreated… While all of this was happening over the last couple of months I noticed that she was ‘always’ have a blast going out to different clubs and parties with her new squad. My birthday came along and I received flowers from her and so I thought that things had blown over. I was lucky enough to see her on my birthday but things were not good at all. It was so awkward and I lead myself to believe that she had changed and that it was for the worse.
For several days I was playing out all that had happened over the last couple of months in my head. I got angry. I thought that I knew it all. So, I decided to send my best friend, whom I love with all my heart a wake-up call message. It took me quite some time to type that whole message out. I read it over countless times. I even “prayed” about it. Then I sent it. I thought I was doing right. It was a really harsh message, if I had received a message like that I would have been shattered, however, selfish me didn’t care because I thought she deserved to hear what I had to say.
You see my best friend had lost so much in her life. She had to experience the loss of a fiancé. I used this against her. I told her since he died she had changed. She was selfish, hanging out with people who she normally wouldn’t. That she was getting old now and she should stop acting like a teenager, hanging around in clubs. Absolutely anything that I could have thrown at her, I did. Looking back now I realize how harsh I was. It was like I was rubbing salt in all her open wounds willingly. I didn’t care about her, even though I told myself it was because I cared that I sent the message in the first place.
Months passed and I heard nothing from her. I have this one friend who kept on pushing me to send her a nice message. He kept on pushing and pushing. I still saw all her posts on Facebook and it was like I never sent that message because nothing had changed. I assumed that she had a new boyfriend. Every post she posted made me angrier and angrier at the person she had supposedly become. One day, her now boyfriend sent me a message that I should talk to her, make amends and I can still clearly remember what I told him, I said “We are not meant to be friends, we have nothing in common anymore, I will always love her but she is one stubborn person.” That was that!!! I completely cut her out of my life, I made sure I couldn’t see anything she posted on Facebook because I was done with her and all the years that we were friends together. I had it!!!
Looking back, I realize that I was the stubborn and selfish one. You see she is my sons god-mother. I denied both my kids being able to see her or spend time with her. They couldn’t understand why they never saw their aunty anymore, I didn’t even care.
Again, months passed. One day I had a huge fight with my father. I had never been so angry in my life. My dad and I had never ever had a fight before, ever!!! I was so angry that I just got in my car and drove away. I wanted to be left alone. I found myself sitting in the underground parking lot of Spar, crying my heart out. You want to know something strange? The only person I wanted to talk to in that moment was the very person I had pushed away all those months back, was the person I convinced myself I never ever wanted to see again, the one person I thought I had nothing in common with.
So, I eventually sent her a message. She immediately asked if I was fine. She even told me to come over to her house. So, I drove off, not knowing what awaited me.
Upon arriving at her house, I find myself pacing up and down in the parking lot. I tried to convince myself to climb back into my car. It must have been quite a strange thing to see for her neighbours. I kept walking towards her unit and then I would turn back towards my car and then back to the unit and then turn back to my car again. Eventually as I was about to go back to my car and then her boyfriend opened the gate and I had to go in. When I saw her she immediately hugged me and we both just stood their crying together in her arms. Complete love and forgiveness was shown by her that day. She had so many things to hold against me. She had so many reasons to be angry at me, yet she just opened her arms to me and showed me what love was and is.
Over the next couple of hours, we sat there talking so much that her boyfriend was about to go nuts. It’s like we were never apart. It’s like I had never sent that terrible message. It was like the good old days. The relief I felt talking to my best friend about everything that had happened in my life over the passed couple of months is unexplainable. I realized then what a huge mistake I had made by sending that message. Everything that I had accused her of, had an explanation I didn’t even see. I never saw the circumstances she faced. I thought she was just partying it up all the time, but she told me that she went with because she didn’t want anyone to drive home drunk. She was designated driver most of the time. The other times she was supporting a friend of ours as he is a DJ. Everything I accused her of was just my opinion of her life. Not one thing was true.
My heart was genuinely sore for what I had put her through unnecessarily. My heart was genuinely sore for denying her the chance to spend time with my kids who love her dearly. My heart was genuinely sore that I had wasted all that time hating what she wasn’t instead of appreciating who she was and is.
Here is where I want to encourage you.
If you think you know it all, you probably don’t.
Don’t assume, just ask!!!
There are always two sides to the story, what you may see as someone falling apart, they may be exactly where God wants them to be.
Forgive, forgive and forgive some more and just when you think you can’t forgive anymore, forgive again!
You know my friend could have easily written me off, but she didn’t! So, give people second chances, even if they don’t deserve it.
To my Sister, I love you so much. No words could ever express how much you mean to me. Thank you for forgiving me and thank you for loving me the way you do. I have truly learnt something from this all and I pray to our God above that what happened between us can be a lesson to others and help them in turn.